So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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