Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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