it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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