My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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