I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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