yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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