I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and she was petting her beer can
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
