my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
