I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
