Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
