Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
50% drunk capacity currently
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
