mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
