I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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