I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
