Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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