So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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