Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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