I seem to have left my pride at pride
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
