Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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