You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
