everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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