I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
