Just took my morning after pill in the library
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize