I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
