Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
