We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
