Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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