I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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