Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
