Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wish my penis had an off switch
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
