I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
