did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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