So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
