dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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