Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
