He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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