i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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