About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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