It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
