just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
