Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
