so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
