Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
