Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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