omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
