Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
