I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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