If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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