Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
wow bdsm is so cute
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