Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
