Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
